I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
