I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
