Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
