I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
