i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
