Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
