I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
