I'm pants shitting drunk right now
should my penis look like a turkey
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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