im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
