you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
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Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
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I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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