You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
