I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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