She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
