Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My feet surprised me
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