the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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