woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
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Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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