dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
