WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
