The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
