Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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