I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
