Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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