did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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