oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
