Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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