do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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