its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
