Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
