I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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