did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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