That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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