i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize