She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
