google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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