Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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