Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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