I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
