Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
cat food counts as protein by the way
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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