p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
