No, you can still breathe under the balls.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
