dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
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I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
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And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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