yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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