I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
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I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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