Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
