Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
