So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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