White coat. Heels.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
