Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I need a beard to bite.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
