Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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