You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
