so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
