I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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