Got a toothbrush?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
