11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This is not my ceiling
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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