I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
