doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
