I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
