I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
