Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
