The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
