at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
