Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
