I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
