I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
