you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
