He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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