Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
