please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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