Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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