Will you blow on my dice?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
