the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
