you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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