u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
