i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
