I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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