Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
