Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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