We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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