we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
