dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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